ok. went on my first luxury cruise aboard a carnival cruise ship. hmmm...i really have mixed emotions about the whole experience. there are a million other factors that come to mind when i think of how to rate this vacation, but these are what stood out the most for me.

bottom line - a luxury cruise is for those who enjoy going to exotic locales and then hanging out at the hotel, ordering room service, and associating only with people from their own country. if you want the cruise line experience, i'm sure any 4 or 5-star hotel in your area will fit the bill.

and it's about excess. there is 24 hour food, so that you find yourself eating just to eat. you will never experience a hunger pang on a cruise. it's like a nonstop roman dinner party where the only thing missing are the reclining couches and the barf bowls. (some of you may not know what i'm referring to - look up lifestyles in ancient rome)

it's also about the ugliness that lives in many of us. imagine about 1200 people whose only wish is to serve you promptly with a smile. as you snap your fingers or make the slightest gesture, you have stewards, waiters, etc., ready to do your bidding. for some of us, this translates into behaving like assholes or divas or by making as much of a mess wherever we can. but since hefty and continuous gratuities are assessed, perhaps that makes it okay...

the upside is that you do get to go ashore in various countries - i was able to set foot on dominica, aruba, and barbados. it's always a joy to be somewhere different and to see, hear, and smell in a different part of the world.

the downside is that i was only able to be in these countries for hours. each visit left me hungering to stay and check out the locales, the food, the people, etc. once you fight your way past the duty-free shopping malls, you can see some very beautiful scenery, meet very hospitable people and generally hang out absorbing the ambience.

because I arrived on a cruise ship, it was sad to be branded a "tourist" and immediately harangued for money. this was mostly true in the areas near the docks that sold souvenirs or other tchotchkes. i recall a woman who was selling baskets and other woven items, claiming that she made all of the items herself. it was amusing to talk to her about her "craft" because as a basket maker, she had the most beautiful manicured hands, complete with long, painted nails. her goods also indicated that she did most of her work in china...another enterprising salesman asked me to buy some plastic flowers (also the work of some native craftsperson in china) and when i declined, said, "Ok, just give me some money then." talk about eliminating the middleman!

of all the places i visited, dominica stands out in my mind. barbados, st. thomas, aruba, and puerto rico were all fine in their own way, but Dominica seemed the most real. it was one of the poorer countries, but it was beautifully unspoiled and intriguing. i felt like i had finally left my expensive hotel room and actually went exploring.

the creepiest place was barbados and their high level of military/police presence. it was surprising to be told not to wear anything that had camoflauge print - even a bathing suit or bandana! the impression i got was that anyone who was not a member of the barbadian police or military would be shot...if you want to recreate the barbados experience (without the military creepiness) go to hawaii...there is really very little difference.

so, adventurous souls, that is my experience with my first luxury cruise. some weirdness like towel animals every day and vegas-style shows featuring cowboys in thongs, but in restrospect, i did get to wear a lot of makeup and a formal gown (ok, that satisfied the "barbie" in me) and i had a stateroom with a balcony (beautiful sunsets and sunrises). i also got to wander around in my pajamas and eat pizza at 3am in the morning and stuff myself with desserts at midnight, without worrying about my safety. i was able to sleep a lot (the slight rocking of the ship was very relaxing) and made tons of small talk with total strangers (jerry springer could definitely find new material here).

i've shared a few photos, so check them out...